Super Noah's Ark 3D - The greatest survival horror game ever made...

How's the rapture treating you guys? I figured I play something religious today just in case things really went down! So what better game to play then the best religious game ever made? Super Noah's Ark 3D!

I'm sure plenty of you have heard of this game, but for those who haven't the game takes place on Noah's Ark and uses the Wolfenstein 3D engine. That instantly makes the game awesome, because you already got a great first person shooter in your hands. The basic plot is that there's 6 days left in the ark and the animals are all pissed off as hell so they break out of their cages and start wrecking Noah's sh*t. With all the animals against him, Noah bust out his slingshot and begins to kill every animal who stands against him. Or, more accurately, put the animals to sleep by feeding them food pellets through a slingshot. You don't actually kill anything, you merely put them to sleep, but I'm sure the animals have no qualms killing Noah. Goats will kick him, Camels would spit at him, Ostriches will peck at him, etc.

OH F*** ME!

Yeah, the game doesn't really sound much like the bible story at all. In fact, I doubt Noah had 200+ goats instead of two. The game is oddly entertaining though, but that's only if you're a fan of Doom or Wolfenstein. I'd argue it's better than BOTH OF THOSE GAMES COMBINED! (Not really.)

As I was playing the SNES version, the game was looking pretty bad and suffered from pretty awful slowdown. The music is awesomely repetitive and would drive any person to insanity. I've long since past that point though, since I'm writing about a game that no normal person should ever consider playing. And even worse, I'm enjoying the game in a non-ironic way. I play it on hard mode, of course, because I'm hardcore and it really brings a whole new element of fear to the game when you have no ammo and a camel is gunning you down with it's own saliva. Truly a terrifying way to go.  Later.